Kelly McCullough

Have you ever considered the benefits of a good life insurance policy?

ARRRRRRRRRR!

Not relevant. Also, chill!

Like diss?

Oooh, yeah, exactly like that.

Art imitating life imitating art imitating…. Screw it, pour one for me.

I control the tunnel, all will love me and despair!

Dude, drama much?

Tunnel shmunnel, ruling the stair is real power.

Sure, let’s go with that. Wake me when it makes a difference.

DIE FEATHERY NEMESIS! DIE!

If you stop skritching, I will kill you. Also, if you don’t.

Oooh, catch 22 FTW!

I like skritches and wouldn’t kill anyone.

Samesies. Not, that anyone ever skritches me.

Dramatic Purple Performance Piece! What? Did I miss something?

I get by with a little help from my friends.

I get high with a little help from my friends.

I’m gonna try with…what’s the next line?

He is very trying, you have to give him that.

I have no friends only adversaries and adoring subjects.

One of these things is not like the others

One of these things just isn’t the same

One of these things is not like the others

One of these things just doesn’t belong

Can you guess which one before we finish this song?

Please to be joining my peer network.

Hokay, peering.

I am the slightly alarmed peer.

Hey, alarmed is my gig!

I never really liked peers. I’m more of an apples guy.

All right, Sprawl Off in 3.2.1…

What am sprawls?

I don’t always, sprawl, but when I do, I like to be an island.

Dat sounds like a lot of work, but…sure, I guess?

I am the QUEEN of sprawl! OWNED!

Two Rings For The Cats In Their Servant’s Laps

Did you just add a verse to Tolkien’s Ring Cycle?

Yep, she did.

I like rings. Especially nip donuts!

I used to have four paws, but there was this thing with the silmarils…

Da fuck?

I was born for this moment. Come at me, poultry demons!

Cluck, cluck, cluck, *******Fucker!

I’ll be under the blankets, thankyouverymuch.

Same but breathable. Some of us need oxygen for our brains.

Are you calling me stupid?!

The fact that you have to ask…

Send the chickens to me. I need blood and souls for Bast.

We…wish…you…a…stop. We wish you would stop.

No, this is cool. Really.

OMG! Is Santa really Captain America?

No. Just. No.

I wish you a merry…

Ha! Die stupid hat! Die!

I have you now, and your ruby slippers too!

The precious is mine!

I hate each and every one of you.

And, no I am not participating willingly. Please call my assassin. I have a job…

Hello, I am today’s guest cat…I guess.

Guest cats? Again? You know how much I hate that!

Yeah, but, you hate everything.

Dude, don’t ever say that where she can hear you.

I am also guest catting!

We are in soooooo much trouble.

“You” are in so much trouble. “I” am helping change sheets.

Dat sunbeam are belong to ME!

Yeah, fine, whatever, I didn’t want it…is that a bug?!

Nope it are PTERODACTYL

I am so confused by the ongoing dialogue. Also…zzzzzzz

I will kill it with my mind and wear its feather as a crown!

Hey, Bodi, maybe dial the intensity down to…11?

…………………………………………Good start, but probably not enough.

Stalking the wild martini, shhhhhh!

Dude, you know you don’t drink.

Cat. Some assembly required.

What is it with tuxedo-boys? I’m so embarrassed.

You think you’re embarrassed, try wearing the same suit as…that.

We’ve been thinking of dying this one black and white to match the set.

Please to be ignoring my siblings and give all meats to me.

Hey now!

Whateves.

I too like meat, why was I not invited?

Four brothers, three brains cells. That’s why my expression is always this.

I’z super high!

You’re what now?

Cut him some slack, his brain cell is out visiting the fruit flies.

I’z high!

I can’t believe this is the family that adopted me…

Confession time, guys. I think I might have a drinking problem.

Really? No one could have guessed that. I’m surrounded by idiots.

There’s one above you.

And one below you.

We are legion. Also, why are you all upside down?