Kelly McCullough

Is that…MY TAIL?! AAAAAAAAAH!

…the everloving hell?

She does that. Don’t worry about it.

I kinda am.

Who’s the new guy?

I have queeestions.

Fell asleep reaching for mah phone.

I think you might have a problem, my dude.

Yeah, he thinks his pan is half full, but actually…

That’s a really weird metaphor, my friend.

It really is.

He’s going to be pissed when he wakes up and finds THE PHONE IS MINE.

I’m dreaming of my blankie…Eileen.

I think I begin to see why…

You stay away from Eileen!

Holy shit, dudes, it’s just a blanket.

I like pigs.

Weirdos.

I’m more of a towel man, myself…

Bird bird bird, bird is the word…

The delicious delicious word.

I must be dreaming.

No, pretty sure I can reach it from here.

Oooh, I wanna watch this…

Ptery vs. Tortie, sure, why not, beats pay per view.

Jeeves, you must go to the Dagobah system…

Hokay, I’m in, what’s a Baglebah?

Not the hero we were looking for.

I keep trying to change the channel, but it never works.

Gonna wash that cat right outta my hair, gonna wash that cat…

It’s more comfortable than it looks…

I sure hope so.

So is this. Comfortable, I mean.

How is he even doing that?

What did I do in a previous life to saddle me with four brothers?

When shall we three meet again?

I vote for when hell freezes over.

Oooh, yeah, seconded!

I can work with that.

I have never in my whole life been happier not to be invited to a party.

INORITE?!

I’ve been playing a lot of Halo lately.

I don’t think that’s quite the same, my dude.

Shhh, if he figures out electronics he’ll want his own phone next.

I gets it. See dis my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom meeting.

Guys, being the dimmest bulb on the tree is my gig. Lay off.

Paws for thought?

Toes are my pawses. Shove off.

Ooh, he’s deep.

Hip deep, maybe.

Laugh track in 3.2.1…

Is that a paws make tracks joke? Because, if so, I quit.

I’m doing hard time here.

I’ll play you a lament if I can pick up the world’s smallest violin here.

I understood that reference!

Russian Judge (Red Guardian) gives your joke three of four paws down.

I’m in hell. I’m literally in hell.

I’m auditioning to be library lion!

Lion? You? Srsly?

No, I think he’s got this.

The only lion he’ll ever be is lyin’ around.

Please sir, do not put my laundry in the machine. It’s done no harm.

Why is he protecting the laundry?

You REALLY don’t want to know.

My favorite blanket is in there. I call her…Eileen.

That is so not okay.

You hadda ask.

Hey now, don’t kink shame.

Witness my meta commentary on the usual success of author insertion.

Meta-shmeta, that’s just pandering.

Also, kinda gross. Do you know where that cat butt has been?

Ewwwww!

Not engaging. Happy place, happy place, happy place.

The cats on the vortex go ’round and ’round…

“Wheels” on the “bus,” dammit!

Ball in the track, if you please!

Why do I never understand what’s going on around here?

We didn’t want to tell you, but…well, you were dropped on your head as a kitten. Repeatedly.

You take that back!

Fiends, Ronams, Countymen, Lend me your paws!

Oooh, I think it might be time to develop a drinking problem.

You’re not wrong.

I have no problem. I drink, I fall down, I sleep, it’s basically the state motto.

Why are your paws spinning? Or…is that just me?